Being a teenager with clinical depression can be a challenge. Combine that with the stresses of your first year in university, a totally new environment, high expectations, and a particularly bad case of anxiety disorder — and you’d probably ready to snap. Living with depression has its challenges at any age but it’s much more acute with a major lifestyle change.
I was diagnosed at fifteen. The verdict: serotonin deficiency. Interpretation: there’s a chemical lacking in my brain that makes me depressed. Simple? Sounds like it, but the reality is quite different.
Although I am on medication that has greatly improved my outlook on life, I still have problems trying to explain to my friends why I felt sad — “why can’t you just cheer up?” The reality is I don’t know why. An even worse question arose on one occasion: “So are you crazy?” Define crazy.
Everyone has different ideas about what mental illness is and is not. To complicate things further, a number of mental disorders were identified by the medical field just in the past ten years. It isn’t black and white. It isn’t as simple as being deaf or visually impaired — these conditions have had years of coping strategies developed to perfection.
Mental illness is like trying to find your way through a dark room. It varies greatly and every case is different. If you saw me walking down the street, you probably wouldn’t guess I had severe depression and anxiety disorder. On the outside, I’m your average teenager: good grades, friends, hobbies and a loving family. You’d never guess that I suffer from panic attacks, moodiness and frequent bouts of sadness.
Luckily at university, there is support for those suffering from mental illness. In the past, I’ve been told to hide my illness from people because of the social stigma that goes along with depression. “Don’t talk to her, she’s crazy,” or “Don’t upset her, she’s already sad. She has depression.” The reality is, I don’t want anyone’s pity. But I do want support.
I wish it was as simple as telling somebody I’m blind — because people would understand that it isn’t my fault, it’s not something I did or didn’t do. It’s an illness just like any other.
At U of T, people are far more supportive of those with mental illnesses than at the average high school. There are many groups that you can join for support, or if you just need someone to talk to. These groups are discreet. They need to be, unfortunately, due to the continuing social stigma attached to mental illness.
Depression is a part of me but it doesn’t define who I am as a person. Aside from the usual stresses of an average university student, my life includes mood swings, crying jags, and panicky moments. It makes life difficult, but not unmanageable. With properly dosed medication and more importantly, the support of friends, family, and non-judgemental support groups, I hope to find the university experience one of the best in my life.
